Against All Odds
by HobbitLover4eva
Summary: Of all the places John Winchester expected to go to after escaping hell, this wasn't one of them. And waiting for him is the last person he thought he'd see. And John has so much to tell. Guilty!/Emotional!John Hurt&Comfort oneshot


**_Disclaimer:_** I do not own any characters, just borrowing them for the sake of fun. ;P

 ** _Warnings: T_** _f_ or FEELS. Lots of Emotional/fluff here.

 ** _Author's note:_** My first Supernatural fic! I got this idea from watching the episode Angel Heart in season 10.This is a piece I've always wanted to do and i wished that the show had done. I mean John and Mary went through so much, why couldn't they have some happy ending? Enjoy! :D

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A bright void. The last thing John Winchester expected to find himself in was an entirely empty space, stretching for eons around him. John raised an arm, shielding his eyes against the blinding glow, searching the void in all directions with his gaze just to prove to himself there was nothing here. Yeah, nothing.

He gave a small sigh. So, this was his afterlife. Well, at least so far it wasn't like hell. To be honest, he hadn't been sure if anything awaited him once he'd climbed out the Devil's gate. He'd already spent years in hell and he sure as hell didn't deserve heaven, no matter how much he longed to be there. To be with Mary…

"John." The voice that haunted his life, only kept alive in memories and used so often against him in the tortures and mind games of hell, called his name exactly as she used to. John caught his breath because there Mary was, walking towards him out of that glow surrounding them. Looking so beautiful, just the way she'd looked before the fire.

"Mary?" John's voice was broken, a hollow murmur drowned with shock. "This another hallucination?" he demanded, suddenly bristling. Hell had delighted in those. Torturing him with his wife burning forever on the ceiling was one of that bastard Alastair's favorite tricks.

Mary smiled in such joy, and hell if it wasn't Mary it copied her perfectly. She reached for him, hands grasping each side of his face and drew herself inches from him. "John. It's me. I'm not a trick. This is real." tears cascaded down her cheeks. "I've missed you…"

That was the nail in the coffin. John didn't give a shit anymore if it was Mary or not, if his own mind was creating his wife's image, he responded almost savagely. His arms gathered her close, her body as real as she had been alive. He buried his head deep in her blond curls, catching the long forgotten whiff of lily perfume she'd loved so much. God, this _was_ Mary. "Mary… God. What is this place? Because if you're here…"

Mary laughed against him. Dear God. Her laugh, it brought him back to life hearing her light, happy laughter again. "Afterlife, heaven. Whatever you call it. I've waited for you so long, John. I knew you would find me."

"God, Mary…" John choked, all the tears he'd crushed, denied for years spilling out. And suddenly he could see her again, burning into a charred outline on their ceiling while he watched helpless below. "I'm so sorry…"

"For what? My death?" Mary raised his head from her shoulder, kissing him gently. John couldn't say how much he'd missed that too. "John, that wasn't your fault. I made a deal with that demon years ago, and kept it from you. I shouldn't have. I'm so sorry."

"A deal? With Yellow Eyes? Why? When?" the stream of questions flew from him in one breath.

"Yeah, you haven't changed in all these years." her lips curved into that familiar smirk, the one Dean had inherited. But her words stung him, because they were a lie. John was well aware he was a shadow of the man Mary had known, one she'd be ashamed of. Hate probably. "Do you remember when my parents died? I told you it was a heart attack?"

"Yeah."

"That was a lie." Mary bit her lip, etched with sadness. "They were killed. By him. And he killed you too. He offered me a deal, to bring only you back in exchange for coming back to us in ten years. I wasn't thinking straight, I was so desperate to have you back I agreed. I guess he wiped your memory, you never remembered it." She tightened her arms around him. "I never realized how much suffering that choice would bring to me, you, our boys. I'm so sorry."

For a long time, he stood there mulling that over. What should he be, furious? Shocked? Overwhelming despair? Those emotions had been his chief companions in the long years after Mary died and any of the three was his first response to anything he faced. But right now none of them rose. Only Laughter on the verge of hysteria bubbled up John's throat. Mary froze from it, actually frightened. But it didn't last long before he finished with a coughing sigh. "That…I can't believe that. You made a deal with that demon and it killed you. Then _I_ go making a deal with that damn thing all these years later and get myself killed. How does that even happen?"

"But you saved Dean, right?" Mary interrupted, eyes soft.

John halted, shaking his head. "I did. You know about all that?" course she did, Mary's whole world had been their boys. Which called to question how much of his crap she knew too. "They're so strong now, Mary. I wish you could see em."

"I did." She reminded, brightening. "In our house. Sammy's grown up so tall. And Dean's so much like you. They grew up so handsome, both heartbreakers." She ruffled John's beard. "Like their father."

He couldn't stand it anymore. That praise, that pat on the back. He'd made colossal failures as a parent, as a father. So he pushed Mary backward, gaze ridden so with shame he couldn't bear to look his wife in the face. "Mary, I've done things. I was such a wreck after you died, and trying to hunt that thing that killed you...I wasn't much of a father. I pushed our sons too hard, made Sam hate me, and he ran away from me. And Dean—" Shit, how he'd hurt Dean. Hurt him in ways he couldn't begin to fix. "Dean was amazing, he put up with my crap. Still looked up to me. But I made him grow up too fast, let him see and do stuff no kid should. I wasn't there for him, either of em." tears of bitterness and self-hate scorched him. "I deserved to be in hell."

Mary was so quiet for so long John was sure she'd left, abandoned his ass and he wouldn't even blame her. "I don't believe that." That firm remark brought his gaze up sharply to Mary's compassionate face. "That you deserve to be in hell, I don't believe that. Now some things you did, I _will_ kick your ass for..." Her pointed gaze froze him. "But I know you did the best you could."

"My best." He snorted. "My best was pathetic.

"Is a pathetic father willing to die for his sons? Does a pathetic father go to _hell_ for his son?"

"I was trying to make up for what I'd done to him." John ran a hand through his hair. "Shoulda done more."

"More than a 100 years of brutal torture? And you never broke once, no matter what that demon offered. That is something to be proud of, John. What you did for Dean, _that_ is the definition of love. You didn't always do things right but in the end, you did something few fathers would even do. And I'm so proud of you." Mary ended by wrapping John in a fierce hug.

John managed a half smile. "That's the last thing I told Dean." Because despite John's shitty shortcomings, Dean had become one of the best hunters out there. And a damn good man. Sam was too. John just prayed they both survived what was coming. "Didn't tell him nearly enough."

Mary only rested her head against him. "They knew you loved them. That's enough."

"I just hope they can deal with what's coming next." He grimaced. Looked like Sam and Dean beat that damn demon's plans for Sam, the damn apocalypse was another monster.

"Our boys are strong. They come from good stock. I think they can handle anything." Motherly pride shone in his wife's smile.

"Yeah." Because suddenly, he believed it.

 **The End**

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 ** _Author's note:_** I wanted to show how John might've felt about himself and his life after it all, because the show only showed snippets of his guilt. And I get the feeling hell would've grilled him over it, so I wanted to see John really repentant. And I really think Mary would be proud at how drop-dead handsome her sons became :D I would. And of course they talk about the boys, I think they'd be proud of them. Also, according to Kripke, John figured out his sons destinies in the Apocalypse so I figured he'd be very worried about that in the afterlife.

Please review! :D


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